So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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