somebody snuck up and got me drunk
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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