sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
is it fun? or sober?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
