Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
