alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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