Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
