Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
