Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
