I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
