sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
