I will die if light touches me.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
