I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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