He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
