So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We need a shit load of segways right now
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
