Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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