i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
