he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
