i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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