Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
