i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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