I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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