i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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