nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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