did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
