non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
