if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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