The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
