Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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