I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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