New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
