i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
