omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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