The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
