pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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