my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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