i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
