you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
