Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
