and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
