people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
