Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
