In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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