he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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