We're facebook friends in real life
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
