definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
