So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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