This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
