If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
