He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
