I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
