She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
