I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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