i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
