i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
