Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
