So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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