I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
