she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
