i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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