Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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