Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
