I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He's a Shit stain on my heart
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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