I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
