I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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