I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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