Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
