I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
