if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
