There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
