did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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