i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
