Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you will always have a special place in my vag
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
