I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
